........way to go.........

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.........................Ox-bloodnecks.......................

Jade is attending a Zoo course at Disney’s Animal Kingdom for a week, so I get to hang out in the hotel and do nothing all week in America. Disney hardly qualifies as America. Disney is kinda like a weird bizaro world run by a now dead dictator. All you have to do is put some fatigues and a beard on old Walt and he looks just like Castro. The people that work there are like communists, working for the good of the state and all of them have like 20 people above them looking out for the slightest misstep. Anyone steps out of line and they are silently, quickly and permanently removed. The grounds are immaculate with no signs of life except a lost bird wandering through. There are no lizards in the bushes, fish in the ponds, or rabbits in the fields. The place is a sterile land of weird and very annoying people. The guys that work there are either really weird, otherwise known as, should be living in parents basement but somehow got to live in the dorm complex and work at Disney, or flamboyantly gay, Disney was one of the first places to give gay families recognition. The women who work there are fat, way too cheery and would probably wear the stuff Nate talked about in his blog. The only breath of fresh air was the WT and rednecks that go to Disney on vacation. Now there was of course many obnoxious, little, fat WT kids running around, with their huge whale of a mother, waddling behind them and the dad sulking with his head down while wearing his camo construction company t-shirt. Walking through the parking lot one day I noticed a bumper sticker on a Georgia mini-van. “If I knew they were going to be this much of a problem, I would have picked my own cotton.” That my friends was on the car of a new category of rednecks, called Ox-bloodnecks.

..................Thug Life........................

So yesterday was quite an interesting day on Pearl Island. Things started out normal, sitting around, no one working, just waiting for the guest to get there and then something happened. One of the guys was asked to get the other guys and fix the buoy line, as he preceded to wake up and try to convince everyone to help him, one of the guys Tario complained that he always had to help and why he was always chosen. The other guy Siral just told him to get his ass up and help. So this lead to some words exchanged most of which I could not understand but the one thing I did understand was that Tario called Siral a big-eyed fish. This apparently was not the best thing to say and they started pushing and yelling knocking over stacks of fins. Then the blows started flying, they each had a hold of the others shirt and they were throwing rights into each other’s faces. While this was going on, the other guys and me just stood there watching. Things seemed to settle down when Siral pinned Tario to the ground then broke a mask on his head. However, Tario got up and kept talking trash, Siral then grabbed a huge roll of rope and threw it at Tario with little effect. Tario then started to walk away when Siral cold cocked him from the side and knocked him down and the blows started reigning down, knocking Tario out. At this point one of the guys grabbed Siral and broke the fight up. That was just the start to another day on Pearl Island. Later that same day, another tour guide, Teko was talking to the head boss’s husband, making him some kind of boss manager that does jackshit, about the days off he requested a month ago. He was told that he could not have the days off by Pat, the boss guy whose just likes to yell at everyone and pretend he is important, and Teko got upset telling Pat about how shitty the island is run and how they treat the staff. Pat was not happy and gets up in his face wagging his finger and yelling. He then told Teko he was not taking him back to Nassau on his boat and tried to leave him. Teko jumped on and Pat ran up to him grabbing him and trying to throw him off the boat. Teko then fought back and if the rest of the staff didn’t grab him Pat would have been killed. Pat is a skinny sissy and Teko is a hardcore junglest, aka “ghetto thug”. Pat then ran to the back of the boat and called Birgit, the head lady, cause he was scared for his life. So when we got back to the dock, she was there waiting with some security guards. All in all, another good day.

.............America the beautiful....................

The conservative right wing will always have a large voter base in America, that’s a fact. I know this because of the stupid rednecks that go on cruises and come to Pearl Island. My section uses pink masks and snorkels; you would not believe how many W.T. men bitch and complain about having to use them and ask for a different color. They seem to think that they will start sucking cock once they don the mask or something. A second and large reason for the right wing success is the pure stupidity of the common person. These people actually believe that empty conch shells magically float into the snorkeling area up to 3 times a day just for them to find. The oysters also have rubber bands on them and people still ask if they grow on those large rocks, aka coral, or in the grass. These people are so stupid that they get herded around like sheep for everything they do. The amount of people holding up large signs and pointing the right way is staggering, but yet these morons seem to get lost all the time. One couple went on the ferry to go back to the cruise ship after being on the island for 30 minutes. That’s right they unloaded with all their fellow cruise members then got back on the ferry with the guest from the previous tour and went back, awesome. I think I could be a congressman from any rural state; all I have to do is state my platform. It would be, gays are bad, guns are good for everyone, immigrants suck, USA is the best and only place that matters, and finally God is super sweet. There is no way I could lose, even if there are mass protests by groups opposing those views, pictures of me kicking small children, multiple arrests for drunk driving and video of me cursing people of non Anglo-Saxon heritage.

BAKER in 2007

Part of the reason I get paid so shitty is the fact that we encourage the tourist to tip. So most of the day is spent hustlin’ the tourist for money. I have never had a job, which gets tips, and I am not a big fan of it. I don’t like pretending to care about these jackasses who can’t swim with a life vest on and suck down salt water while snorkeling. However the Bahamians love it. They target a couple people per group and hustl’ them all day. We have an unwritten rule where if the money is in the tip jar it gets split up among the group but if you get it handed to you personally you get to keep it. So today a guy wanted to propose to he girlfriend with the ring inside the oyster and let her open it. We all were told about it by the dock rep who brings them over on the ferry and one girl Nae, a hard ghetto girl, and a dyke, sets up the oyster. It turns out perfect and everything goes well and the guy drops a 50 in the jar, big money. At the end of the day Nae has taken the 50 out saying that it was hers cause she helped the guy and we get the rest, about $6 a person. The other guys start going crazy, calling her petty and threatening to burst her in the mouth and boot her up if she doesn’t split it up evenly. It further escalates till Rasheed grabs 2 large rocks and starts running at Nae and has to be restrained. After the rocks are removed from his hand he grabs up a bottle and throws it at Nae’s head and she starts coming over to hit him with a stick. That happens almost weekly at Pearl Island.

..............pearl island love.........................

There is a hair-braiding lady that comes on the ferry with the guests’ everyday, She is around 30 with her 2 front teeth missing. She is also the fancy of one the guys I work with Roy. Roy is 18 and about 5 feet tall with 2 gold canine teeth and has the tattooed tears running down his face. For the whole time I have worked with him he talks about getting a blowjob from the hair-braid lady, with the missing teeth. They talk in my section quite often after the guests leave and go off on leisure time. They other day I am in the front of the countertop podium thing cleaning a conch we just pulled out of its shell for the tourists and they are behind it talking. I can barely understand most of the things the Bahamians say to me let alone when they talk to each other, but I can definitely understand what is going on a mere 2 feet away from me. Her hand is down Roy’s pants while he is talking about her using his tool good, she then says it is a nice big tool and continues to root around in his shorts for another minute or so then starts to leave. Roy grabs her by her arm telling to stay around longer and get his tool really going, she then grabs he junk though his shorts aggressively causing Roy to yell out for her to let go. She leaves for about a minute and then comes back, by this time I am almost done cleaning the conch and making the conch salad, but not before I get to she the hair-braid lady show her ‘crabby’ to Roy and see him get his hand slapped while reaching for it. Only in the Bahamas.

.........Bahamas Fighting..............

In the Bahamas, people don’t fight with fists, they burst you with rocks, bottles and anything else hard or sharp. This is just for the spontaneous fights, not the ‘you robbed me yesterday and I came back today with 10 other guys to fuck you up cause everyone knows everyone else on the island’. All of the guys I work with have scars all over their arms and bodies from knife wounds and fights. The other day Rasheed came to work with half of his ear cut off from the fight he got in last night. He had to get 100 stitches to put it back on and could not go in the water for 2 weeks. He said the fight was over 5 bucks the kid owed him and the kid got him with a ‘cutlass’. Another day, Rasheed was mad at the cooks at the grill, so he grabs up a knife we use to clean conch, and starts running to the grill to jook them cause they didn’t give him a burger while the guest were still on the island. I have a dive knife for scuba and all of them were so enthralled with it cause it has straps. I had an extra one that I got off ebay for 10 bucks so I sold it to one of the guys for 30. He wanted it to deal it on the streets with its selling point being that you can get past the security guards at the clubs easier with it. I’m proud to say that one day my knife will be used in a jooking or murder.

....................Pearl Island Life................................

A favorite pastime on the island is smoking weed. They smoke weed on the boat ride over, during the day and after the guests leave. If they don’t smoke, then there is large container of pearl punch, shitty rum punch with rum and fruit syrup in it, at their disposal. All of this in plain view of the manager. The other favorite pastime of the island is “ask the white nigga questions”. Some examples are, have you ever said “nigger”, ever have sex with a black girl, every eat a girl out, would you have sex with…listing off female employees, what are you fantasies, do you like big asses, every been in a fight, are you afraid of black people, do the Bahamians scare you, have you been robbed yet, ever smoke weed, do E or coke, do you want some E, coke or weed, and of course, do you want to buy this? ‘This’ being the latest item that is most definitely hot, usually being a cell phone, or ipod. I have yet to buy anything yet but I am tempted to get one of the videos ipods for 40 bucks. We will see.

.................Fellow Employees......................

I work with about 20 Bahamians and I am the only white person on the island till the guests arrive. Almost all are quite young, either out of high school, or just dropped out. All are from fairly poor backgrounds, i.e. the GHETTO. Most of their day is spent watching me work, calling me ‘white boy’ and ‘white nigga’, and talking about robbing people, cutting people with ‘cutlasses’, aka machetes, sex, jooking people, aka shanking or stabbing, drugs, fighting and hustlin’ to make some money. A lot of them have gold teeth and one even has a grill. All of them have excessively stupid tattoos, some of them done by their friends and some they actually paid for. Off the top of my head I can remember these, the R from Ruff riders, Get and Money on opposite forearms, Life and Thug on opposite forearms, backwards just like that, G-unit, bizzy bone, Teko, his name, that looks like it was written by a kid crooked down his arm, a ninja star, tears running down a face, lil’ kim and I’m sure there are more. I think I will get tatted up soon, maybe a large dollar sign or a bullet with 187 under it, not sure but I sure it will be sweet. Overall, it is a swell little island to work at.

.........blog........

Due to the popularity, at least 10 readers, and accolades, i think someone's mom said it was nice, recieved by some of my friends' bloggering, Hess and Nate. , I decided to create my own blog to share the happenings of the Bahamas. Much of this decision was made based upon where I am currently working, Pearl Island. Pearl Island is a shitty tourist excursion for cruise ship patrons. We have a snorkeling trip, stingray encounter and a treasure hunt. I work/am in charge of the treasure hunt area. It is the most expensive choice and is the shittiest. The tourists snorkel around looking for conch shells and oysters that have pearls in them. We currently ship the oysters in from Japan. I was originally hired to start a pearl aquaculture farm for the crazy german lady owner. I was excited to start working there. I was told that I was going to be driving a boat around and SCUBA diving to set up and maintain the pearl oyster collectors, bins and what not. It turns out that I have barely done any of this and was really hired to be a white employee, aka the one that works and someone that the guests can talk to and feel comfortable with. I get paid less than shit and the hours are erratic. The only upside is that I get to work with some of the craziest people I have ever met. Some of the things I am going to write here seem unbelievable, but they are 100% true.